Bleached Turkeys, Trapped Turkeys and a Dog Stuck in a Turkey, Oh My!

Editors Note: This story comes to us courtesy of Naperville Patch in Naperville, IL, home of the Butterball Turkey Talk Line. The hotline fields thousands of turkey related phone calls every Thanksgiving and if you think you've had crazy turkey mishaps during the holidays, just wait until you read about these.

• Can I thaw my turkey in my electric blanket?

• I've trapped my turkey in the oven by accidentally turning on the self-cleaning cycle, what do I do?

• Can I use a chain saw to carve my turkey?

• My Chihuahua is stuck in the turkey carcass, help!

Hard to believe, but these represent just a handful of actual questions posed to the staff of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line since it first started helping callers with their turkey traumas 30 years ago.

The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is tucked away in an undisclosed office building on Diehl Road in Naperville. For nearly two months—from Nov. 1 until Christmas Day—the office is home to more than 50 professionally trained turkey experts, typically college-educated home economists and nutritionists, who help callers deal with their holiday emergencies.

One of those professionals is La Grange resident Marty Van Ness, an 18-year veteran of the Talk-Line, who's appeared on The Today Show, WLS-TV Chicago and WMAQ-TV Chicago.

"During those two months, we personally handle about 100,000 phone calls," Van Ness said. "On Thanksgiving Day alone we field 10,000 calls."

That's a long way from the 11,000 total calls the six home economists fielded in 1981, the Talk-Line's inaugural year.

"A majority of the callers don't realize how long it takes to thoroughly defrost a frozen turkey," Van Ness said. "Butterball recommends defrosting the turkey in cold water, for 30 minutes a pound. Leave it in the wrapper, label side down. If you don't have time to defrost it, you can cook a frozen turkey. Just keep in mind that it can add a couple hours to the cooking time."

This advice probably came as a surprise to the callers who thought turning a hair dryer on the frozen turkey or leaving it in the back window of the car would do the trick.

Other lessons learned from the Talk-Line experts?

• It may sound like a good idea, but leaving your turkey outside to keep it cold, even if it's below freezing, may not be the best idea. The neighborhood critters might be a planning a party of their own and your turkey could be their guest of honor.
• Cleaning the turkey is easy–simply rinse it with cold water and pat it dry with paper towels. Bad news for the caller who thought cleaning the turkey with bleach would be safe and do the job, and to the woman who scrubbed her turkey with a wire brush and was left with shards of metal embedded in her turkey.
• More cooking fires occur on Thanksgiving than on any other day of the year, and more and more fires can be attributed to deep frying turkeys. Oil and water don't mix, so remember to thoroughly dry the turkey inside and out to avoid any hot oil spattering when lowering it into the oil. Placing a frozen or partially frozen turkey into the fryer can cause a spillover and may result in a fire. Reduce this risk by temporarily turning off the gas flame right before you lower the turkey into the oil. Once the turkey is safely in the fryer, turn the flame back on.

You can reach a Butterball Turkey Talk-Line expert by calling 1-800-BUTTERBALL weekdays between 8 a.m and 6 p.m CST. On Thanksgiving Day, the experts will be fielding calls from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. You also can email questions and talk turkey via their website, Facebook page or Twitter account.

For the record, to answer the earlier questions:

• When it comes to defrosting, ditch the electric blanket.
• The trapped turkey in the self-cleaning oven is a goner; it's time for Plan B.
• Leave the chainsaw for cutting down trees.
• As for the dog who climbed into the turkey carcass after dinner? Rest easy–the pooch made a clean getaway after its owner was instructed to cut the cavity a little larger!